Even an act of grace gets a touch of setback these days.
Still, the grace deserves to be celebrated, and if we had even a little more of what Phoenix Suns coach Monty Williams showed in Milwaukee last week, the country could cool a few degrees.
Williams isn’t the first coach to congratulate the winning team in his locker room, as he did on Wednesday night after the Bucks won the NBA final in six games. But watching him stand there, hugging Milwaukee star Giannis Antetokounmpo, and displaying sincerity and humility was eye-catching.
Not to mention the reassurance, or rather a reminder, of how simple acts of grace and empathy can work together like balm.
“I just wanted to come and congratulate you guys and coaches,” Williams began. “You deserve it. I am grateful for the experience. You made me a better coach. You made us a better team. Congratulations .”
This is the same competitor who cut his post-game press conference a bit because he could barely speak. In fact, he couldn’t answer the last question when asked if he could offer any perspective on his team’s unlikely run to the final.
[ Suns fans sound off on controversial Monty Williams Bucks locker room visit take ]
“I think it will take a minute,” he said before pausing for a long time. “You know, um … I just don’t take it for granted. It’s hard to come here. And, um, I wanted it so bad, you know? ”
Of course we do. Then again, right? For real? Do you understand what it is like to compete and lose so hard on this stage at this level for so long?
We can imagine. So we can imagine how hard it must have been to put that grief down and pull up that sportiness and spread it first in the hallway in front of the Bucks locker room, where he met Antetokounmpo, and then in the middle of a team that had danced and champagne sprayed.
If he can do that, then surely we can do thousands of similar little things too. I was thinking about it last week when an Alabama doctor posted news after a post on Facebook describing the reaction of some of her COVID-19 patients before intubating them.
In the days since Brytney Cobia said some of her patients regretted not receiving the vaccine because they thought the virus was a joke or political, some have questioned the accuracy of their words and the context of their anecdotes. Although I was not gripped by the possibility of inaccuracy. Instead, it was the unforgiving response to their patients.
Many people who avoid the vaccine do so out of righteous beliefs based on information they trust. It is easy to ridicule those who have fallen victim to disinformation. It’s hard to remember that most of us have succumbed to the same thing at some point in our lives.
Most of us are hardwired to believe things that support our view of the world. It is difficult to combat this wiring. Social scientists speak of confirmation bias. So that provable facts can appear cloudy.
The problem with affirmation biases, among other things, is that they can hinder empathy as well as grace. People who get COVID-19 and end up in the hospital deserve empathy. No matter if they are vaccinated or not.
Again, this might not be easy, but it wasn’t easy for Williams to go into the Bucks locker room and offer congratulations. It can be done in all possible ways.
Life is sharp-edged right now. Maybe it always has been. Or maybe the pandemic has simply cleared our most unforgiving instincts. What we all agree on is that a virus has shaken the world and that the utilities that keep it going are jerky.
It doesn’t take much to find stories of over-stressed service workers and their stories of impatient customers. Everywhere there are signs inviting consumers to be patient on the doors.
That way we start over as a lot of people learn new industries and new roles. The staff shortage only adds to the excitement.
It is helpful to remember, if possible, that most mistakes are not intended. I would argue that this has never been more important. Like a driver who cut you off when in doubt: did he or she return from an oncologist visit? From a parent’s nursing home? From the last working day?
Yes, it is your responsibility to see us. And yes, some of the aggressive moves on the street come from pretension or indifference or just plain meanness.
But most of us are just trying to get to our destination safely, and any transgression we are guilty of – or of which we are victims – comes from the kind of absent-mindedness caused by fear or discomfort.
Thinking about the other driver at the moment is difficult. I fight myself sometimes, of course. However, when you can, you find yourself outside of your head and in someone else’s perspective.
Williams provided a beautiful, haunting example of this when he walked into the Bucks locker room last week despite being gutted. In one moment, he revealed the agony of losing as he suppressed tears during his press conference.
In the next, he gave us an example of empathy and grace. This is not surprising. Williams urged the mourners at his wife’s funeral service a few years ago to pray for the family of the man who hit and killed his wife in a car accident.
Still, we can’t escape pushback these days, and Williams received – luckily not much – after his conversation in the locker room. Some thought that when he stepped into the holy of holies of the Bucks, he was making the congratulatory message on him.
Perspective helps here. Antetokounmpo had asked Williams to come in and say a few words, even though Williams told the star striker that he didn’t want to interrupt the celebration.
Even if he hadn’t and Williams walked in alone, would it be so hard to believe that he was just trying to be kind?
No it wouldn’t.
And no, he doesn’t ask us to accept the best forever. He just reminded us that we don’t always have to assume the worst. These little gestures, taken exponentially, are an ointment for a tired world.
Contact Shawn Windsor: 313-222-6487 or [email protected]. Follow him on Twitter @shawnwindsor.
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