Deadly Distractions: The Life Story of a Mother After Losing Her Son to a Distracted Driver, Navajo Hopi Observer

FLAGSTAFF, Ariz. – It’s been six years since 3-year-old Zaadii Tso was killed by a distracted driver in Flagstaff while he, mother Rachel CT Cox, and sister Bahozhoni Tso used a crosswalk in front of Best Buy.

They held hands when they were hit – the driver turned in the wrong lane, the head turned the other way and ran on all three. While Cox and her daughter survived despite being injured, Zaadi’s hand was pulled from his mother’s hand and he was run over.

Now, during the Distracted Driving Awareness Month in April, Cox said she spent a lot of time talking to people about distracted driving when it wasn’t what she originally intended.

“Every time I communicate about this in some way it’s like I’m raising Zaadii, and it seems so clichéd that it can be prevented, but it’s true,” said Cox. “It feels like I can prevent another mother from going through this pain …”

The Arizona Department of Transportation said that in 2019, the final year with final accident data, at least 10,491 drivers involved in accidents were involved in distracted driving behavior. Road users believe the number is much higher because distracted driving is not adequately reported, as drivers do not always admit to being distracted or killed in the accident.

Cox said she wants people to remember that what is safe and normal can change instantly, even if a person does everything right, with cars, people, and distracted driving.

Cox remembers it was a Sunday afternoon. There was plenty of parking. It wasn’t a crazy time like Christmas when there would be an overload of cars and people looking for parking.

“We were on the zebra crossing. We looked in both directions. We did everything right and he still died, ”said Cox.

That’s why Cox reminds people that what they’re driving is a deadly weapon – and that there are many ways to get distracted without cell phones involved.

“I would get distracted in all sorts of other ways. I would play on my radio or put my hand back to feed Zaadii, ”said Cox.

Cox said police said the driver who hit her didn’t speak on her phone. She had just finished a phone call and still had the phone in her hand.

“When I asked her on the Navajo Peacemaking Program, ‘What did you do? What did you watch What was so important ‘”Said Cox. “And she kept saying, ‘I don’t know. I can not remember. It’s just so awful. I don’t remember what happened. ‘”

The driver informed Cox that she had been through some emotional situations and she was very sad and thought about it.

“So it could have been like that inner, emotional distraction, right? Said Cox. “There you think about things and don’t pay attention to what you are doing. But I think people just have to realize that worry is a deadly weapon and just like you have to handle a gun and be very careful … you have to do that with a car or with any vehicle you drive. I now do this mindfulness practice whenever I find myself running away. “

Mindfulness practice is about making sure she is there in the moment and aware that she is carrying a deadly weapon.

“I do that a lot. Several times a week, ”said Cox. “I’ve never been taught that before.”

Cox said it was more important to give people messages about what they can do to stop distracted driving than constantly telling people what they can’t do.

“All of these things go through our heads to justify our not being careful,” said Cox. “That’s where I spread the message of mindful driving.”

She said most people don’t believe a distracted traffic accident can happen to them – sometimes they think they know the road well, or they are confident in their driving skills, or they just reach into a bag and look off the street for one Second. A lot of people say, “This could happen to someone else, but not to me.”

“I played around with my dial to try the next one,” said Cox. “But I can’t allow myself to do that. It’s like, “I’ll take care of it if I get run over.” And I stop to talk to people. And I just say, “Okay, I’ll be late,” but it’s worth it. I will not care about this person while I am driving because I will be later if something terrible happens. “

And Cox said she told her students and groups of people she talks to about Zaadii that it was terrible.

“It’s a shame to be so hard on me and to live with this pain, and there isn’t a second when Zaadii isn’t in the back of my mind,” said Cox. “I don’t think there was a day when I didn’t cry. It used to be the first thing I thought of when I woke up and cried. I say to the students, “It is terrible to be me. It is terrible to be Zaadi’s family and to live with this loss and all the pain that comes with that loss. It took him 13 hours to die and we don’t know if he was in pain all the time. ‘“

Zaadii becomes a comic hero

Cox said if her child had to be killed by a distracted driver it would become a dream of ‘Zaadi: The Legend of Z-Hawk’, a bereaved mother’s dream – not that she believes a killed child is someone’s dream. But so that someone takes stories about their son and turns them into a comic? This is a dream.

“I love it,” said Cox. “I love it so much. I am so grateful that you did this and it enables Zaadi’s story to move on and continue it in the best possible way. It goes on like a 3 year old little boy who loved superheroes and believed he was a superhero would have imagined his life. “

Gail Simone, who writes for Bat Girl and has written for other DC comics, took all of Cox’s stories about Zaadi’s life and turned them into a comic book.

“What a gift,” said Cox. “I was almost afraid to think about his life. I didn’t want to go there. But I wanted to go there when I started there. To really focus on what a wonderful life he had and all the wonderful people he had around him who loved him so much. What a spark of light, energy and wildness. To get into it, it just felt so good. I just felt so good. The process was so helpful and healing and allowed me to work through it. “

Cox said one thing she loves about the comic is the message about distracted driving, but it’s subtle. When people read it and realize it’s a real person, that’s the effect.

“I think actually it drives the message more than if it was just a distracted driving comic,” said Cox. “Because you’re already invested. It’s a great way to tell a story that relates to both children and adults. It’s a great way to reach people who aren’t necessarily reached any other way. “

Simone wrote with two different illustrators. But Cox said one person who helped with the comic who wasn’t mentioned was Zaadi’s godmother Jeneda Benally, who made sure everything was culturally correct and appropriate.

“When I got the comic book, I was disappointed that her name wasn’t on it because I thought it should have been because she did so much work. She probably did as much work as the two people whose names are on it. “

While Zaadii is Diné, Cox is not. And she said she didn’t know some of the things that could be in a comic that Benally did, and could also be objective in ways that Cox couldn’t.

“This comic book wouldn’t be what it is without her,” said Cox. “It was a gift. It was a gift from travelers. It was a gift from the writer and artist. But I also think, just this love act from Jeneda for Zaadii.”